If I Don't Return: A Father's Wartime Journal

Nonfiction Book Awards Gold Winner

“This journal was once a gift to our young sons. It is now a gift to anyone who cares to read it.”

When Major Mark Hertling deployed to Iraq in 1990 as the operations officer of an armored cavalry squadron, his unit was told 50 percent of them would likely sustain casualties. To him, that meant he might not return home and may perhaps never see his family again. To prepare for that potential outcome, he began keeping a journal, hoping that one day, if he didn’t return, his stories and wisdom would be passed to his young sons.

In an army-issued green notebook, Mark began recording his thoughts and hopes for his boys. He wrote of character, leadership, camaraderie, battles, cultural differences, religion, love, fear, and the things he wanted his boys to know about him and his experiences. In unfiltered, handwritten entries, Hertling captured the reality of combat in Operation Desert Storm: the waiting and missions, the chaos and courage, the brotherhood and grief, and the lessons of duty and humanity forged in war. What began as a father’s private messages became a rare chronicle of leadership and life in preparation for the crucible of battle.

But he survived, returned home, and was able to watch his boys grow into men. Decades later, after both his sons became combat veterans themselves, one of them typed those original pages as a gift to his dad—to preserve the legacy for the family’s next generation. In revisiting those original journal entries, Hertling—having been promoted, having served in various positions, and having returned to the battlefields of Iraq over the next two decades—added reflections drawn from his life. Reflecting on various military assignments, then his post-retirement jobs as a cable news analyst, health care executive, and professor of leadership, these journal entries now provide valuable lessons on character, leadership, and service.

Part battlefield memoir, part father’s journal, part meditation on the challenges of leadership, If I Don’t Return is the story of a soldier who faced death, returned home, and continued to live a life of service. ‍

Giving Back: In Memory of Pete Way

Fifty percent of the proceeds from this book will be donated to the National Ability Center (NAC) in Park City, Utah—an organization dedicated to helping individuals with disabilities discover their strength, independence, and purpose.

Founded in 1985 as an adaptive ski program for disabled veterans, the NAC has grown into one of the nation’s leading centers for adaptive recreation. Today, it serves people of all ages and abilities, with service members, veterans, and their families making up nearly a third of all participants. Through sport, recreation, and education, the NAC empowers those it serves to build confidence, self-esteem, and lasting skills that restore not only mobility, but meaning.

These contributions are made in memory of U.S. Army veteran Pete Way, a friend who was grievously wounded in Afghanistan but found healing, hope, and renewed purpose through the programs of the NAC. Pete’s courage and resilience reflect the very spirit this book seeks to honor—the will to endure, to grow even through adversity, and to live fully.

If you would like to join in supporting this remarkable organization and the veterans and families it serves, please visit https://discovernac.org/support/