The Devil - Diary of an Addict: Part One (The Devil: Diary of an Addict Book 1)

#1 Amazon Bestseller in Addiction & Recovery

The Devil: Diary of an Addict is not a story about the stereotype people imagine when they hear the word “addict.”

Homeless. Junkie. Criminal. Loser.

That’s what most people think. It’s what I thought too, until I realised I was one.

Addiction is still treated as a moral failure instead of what it really is: a disease rooted in trauma, fear, mental illness, and survival. The labels we use only describe a fraction of the truth, yet they have shaped how addicts, and their families, are judged, punished, and misunderstood.

My name is Gavin Dixon. And I am an addict.

While I was deep in addiction, I searched for books that reflected what I was living through. What I found were either clinical self-help manuals written by people who had never lived inside addiction, or polished celebrity memoirs designed to sell copies, not tell the truth. They didn’t go where addiction took me.

That is why I wrote The Devil: Diary of an Addict.

This is not a recovery guide. It is not motivational. It is not written to make you feel better. It is written by an addict, for addicts, and for the families who love them.

You may also notice that this book is formatted differently from a traditional memoir. That was intentional. Before writing it, I spent time researching how addiction, trauma, ADHD, anxiety, depression, grief, and emotional overwhelm affect reading and concentration. The shorter chapters, clear spacing, and accessible layout were designed to help addicts, families, and readers stay engaged, even during some of the most difficult periods of their lives. Part One serves as an accessible introduction to the story, while Part Two continues the journey in a more traditional memoir format.

This book tells my story, but it does not belong to me alone. Alongside my reality, you will read the reflections of the person I hurt the most: my mam. Because addiction is not an individual disease. It is a family disease. And she walked into hell with me, without ever taking a single hit.

Each chapter shows two realities: my world as an addict, and my mam’s perspective, revealing how love can slowly turn into enabling, and how that cycle can be broken.

Some of what you read will be uncomfortable. There are accounts of trauma, violence, overdose, manipulation, sexual abuse, and self-destruction. These moments are not included to shock or glorify, but to tell the truth, because hiding the truth nearly killed me.

I share how addiction took me from a life of excess and false control to losing everything, again and again, ending up isolated, homeless, and lying to everyone who loved me.

I share how I tried to take my own life three times. The third time, my heart stopped.

For four and a half minutes, I was dead.

Paramedics gave up.

My dad did not.

This book also challenges outdated approaches to addiction treatment. Rehab alone did not save me. Programmes alone did not save me. Until I faced my trauma with professional help, I could not stay clean.

Understanding is not excuse. Explanation is not justification.

I take responsibility for the harm I caused. This book does not ask for sympathy. It asks for honesty.

If you are struggling with addiction, parts of this book may be triggering. Please read with care and reach out for support if needed. If you love someone who is struggling, this book may help you understand, but it may also hurt. Both can be true.

This is Part One of a two-part story.

This part is the descent.

Put the book down, or read on, and finally understand how addiction really begins.

— Gavin Dixon